I just needed to sit down properly and really take my time to write this one, because you are one of the most intelligent, diverse, graceful and emphatical person I’ve met in a long time, if not ever.
Life has a dry sense of humour sometimes. There I was trying to “take on the big wild world” from my 20m2 hotel room and failing miserably, putting my body in and out of places while my mind was AWOL and my heart was beating slower than a lizard. You just assaulted my senses like I was finally able to “turn the page” and you put things in perspective for me, which I am more than capable of myself, but you know what it’s like, sometimes you just can’t and won’t help yourself just because. I am overbearing, hasty, ensuring the hurt and inconvenience caused by others will suddenly be everyone else’s problem. Writing as a hobby itself is one of the most “entitled” acts ever, so yeah I know what I am (and ain’t) very well alright!
I will never forget the whirlwind of thoughts, fears, confusion and exhaustion I felt sitting on a bench outside Valhalla, at minus whatever Celsius with no gloves, thinking what the hell am I doing in Berlin at this weird hour under its poisonous fog and millions of stars, wondering if you will actually show up and if you do, and then what. And there you were. And so confusing. More Mediterranean in your mannerisms than I will ever be, yet unmistakably Alpine with a mild French accent that pops out occasionally – hence the “assault on senses” I was talking about. You are so positive with so much to offer to this world, also incredibly patient and understanding with me, I hope it wasn’t (in your flatmate’s words) a dustbin situation but our minds are definitely resonating on the same frequency so I just had to tell you things that even my best friend wouldn’t know – things that I never even said out loud to “myself” before. I also appreciate the trust you’ve put in me, most men (see I am generalizing AGAIN) wouldn’t think or talk about the things you do, I don’t know if you’re extremely confident in yourself or maybe you were extremely comfortable with me, either way I am happy that we spent all those hours together. And you’re so right that forming such connection at an unassuming place between seemly-irrelevant people really brings hope and positivity, knowing that fear, struggle, heartbreak, confusion is universal and there are good people out there if you are really looking for them, or, even if you are not looking for them, because it looks like good people vibrate at a certain frequency that the rest of the world aligns itself to bring their paths together, as it did in our situation.
I’ll be on the Continent soon enough, and can’t wait to meet up again, until then, keep being awesome 🙂